Pregnant
by Chestyr
Summary: Ren has to face her worst nightmare as she learns she is pregnant with Bobby Deaver's baby. Deals with serious subject matter.


Pregnant

Ren sat on the edge of her bed, clutching her knees to her chin and slowly rocking back and forth.  Her eyes stared at the wall opposite her headboard, her weekly schedule so neatly arranged in multi-colored squares of paper.  Cut so straight, pinned up on the wall so evenly...so organized.  So together.  So _right._

Three short knocks sounded at her door, and a second later Louis walked in, uninvited.  Ren rolled her eyes half-heartedly and spun around, fixing her gaze on her younger brother.

"Dinner's ready," Louis announced.

Ren sighed and flopped back on her bed.

"Are you coming?"

She quickly sat up again and snapped, "You don't have to tell me that dinner's ready!  When I'm hungry, I'll eat, got it?"

"Geez, Ren, why so snarky?"  Louis picked up a pen from Ren's desk and pretended to examine it with extreme inquisitiveness.  "Did you get an A-minus on a quiz or something?"

"Shut up."  Ren threw a pillow at Louis' head and stretched out on her bed again.  "I'm not hungry."

"I'll have Mom save you some leftovers," Louis responded, and began to leave.

"Wait, Louis."  Ren hoisted herself into a sitting position and locked eyes with her brother.  "I'm sorry I was so quick-tempered."

"It's okay."  Louis stood still for a second and then said, "Look, Ren, it's after six and you haven't even done your homework yet.  Is something wrong?"

Ren opened her mouth, and then quickly shut it.  "Forget it.  I just don't feel very well."

"Well, get better soon."  Louis closed the door and Ren could hear him plodding down the stairway.

She turned over on her side and grabbed Mr. Pookie, trying to hold back her tears.  As one slid down her face, she angrily wiped it away and bit her lip, snuggling in to Mr. Pookie even more.  How could she ever go to school again?  She hid her face in her pillow and eventually fell asleep.

*Three Weeks Later*

Ehzzz, ehzzz, ehhhhhhnt...

"Stupid alarm clock!"  Ren reached her hand up to shut off her alarm clock and pulled her bed sheets closer to her.  She just needed ten more minutes of sleep...

"Ren!"

Ren rolled over and rubbed her eyes.  She was staring into the face of her mother.

"Ren, it's eight-thirty.  Louis tried to wake you up for half an hour.  I thought you were at school, what are you still doing in bed?" Eileen cried frantically.  "Honey, are you sick?"

Ren sat up slowly and leaned into her mother's arms.  Eileen wrapped her daughter in a hug.  "Sweetheart, is there something wrong?"

"Mom, I just can't do it," Ren sighed.

Eileen gently pushed her daughter back and wrinkled her brow.  "Do what, honey?"

"I can't go to school."  Ren covered her eyes with her palms, trying to hold back the tears that came almost every day now.

"Ren, you're in ninth grade.  I know how hard that can be."  Eileen patted Ren's knee.  "But you know what, in just a few years you'll be going to college and you can leave junior high and high school behind you forever."

"I know..."  Ren glanced sideways at her wall and thought she saw a spider crawling up its crevices.

"Ren, for the last few weeks it's been a struggle to get you up, and I haven't seen you do any homework."  Eileen frowned.  "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," Ren moaned, fighting her urge to break down again.  "Mom, I can't...I just can't face them...I mean..."

"What is it?  Ren, if you have a problem with somebody at school I can tell Principal Wexler about it.  He'll make sure they never bother you again.  What is it, sweetheart?"

"I can't tell you.  You'll be disappointed in me," said Ren.

"I could never be disappointed in you," Eileen responded.  "Honey, if you're not getting straight A's I don't care.  If you failed a test you'll always have a chance to make it up.  What is it?"

"It's..."  Ren glanced sideways again and couldn't help crying.  "Mom, it's Bobby.  Bobby Deaver."

"Didn't you break up with him awhile ago, sweetie?" Eileen asked.

Ren nodded and sniffled.  "I didn't even want to talk to him.  But...but I was staying after school to do this report on football for the newspaper and he....he was suddenly just there..."

Eileen suddenly grew worried.  "Honey, what is it?"

Ren's voice was almost a whisper.  "He raped me, Mom."

Eileen gasped and stood up, stumbling to the corner of her daughter's room.  She leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath.  "Ren, please tell me he didn't."

Ren was sobbing now.  "I knew you wouldn't believe me."

"No."  Eileen turned around, her teeth clenched.  "I'm going to make sure this little bastard goes to jail for the rest of his life!  Oh, God, Ren, why didn't you tell me earlier?  Oh, sweetie."  Ren was standing behind her now and Eileen embraced her daughter, tears spilling from both their eyes.

"Mom."  Ren stood back and wiped tears from her eyes.  "I don't know what's going to happen."

"You don't ever have to see his face again," Eileen assured Ren.  "I'll get him kicked out of Lawrence today.  Don't worry about anything.  Oh, honey, are you all right?  What did he do to my baby?"

"Mom, you don't understand," said Ren.

Eileen was pacing back and forth across Ren's room, half angry and half sad.

"Mom, I....I think I'm pregnant."

Eileen stopped pacing and slowly turned around.  "You're fifteen years old," she gasped, nearly in shock.

"Mom, I'm sorry...I've been feeling really sick lately and...and I haven't had my period for like six weeks...I don't know, maybe it's nothing..."

"You're...oh, no, oh, Ren..."  Eileen was choked-up as she grabbed her daughter and hugged her tightly once more.  "This can't be happening to you."

Ren pushed herself away from her mother and stood with her back turned.  "My life is ruined."

"Oh, no, no it's not, sweetheart.  No it's not," said Eileen.  "I'm going to take you to the doctor, all right?  Ren?"

Ren was sobbing in the corner of her room, clutching Mr. Pookie.  She turned around again and averted her gaze from her mother.  "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Yes, you should have!  Oh, Ren, we need to get you help," said Eileen.  "Honey, get dressed.  Come on."

Twenty minutes later, Ren found herself in her mother's car, her face raw from tears.  She felt sick, as if she didn't belong in her own body.  She didn't want to believe that she could actually be pregnant.  But it was better that she told her mother now than to have everyone find out when she quickly started becoming "fat."

Ren had never been to a parenting clinic before.  She wished she could just go to a regular hospital, but this place offered free pregnancy tests for teenagers.  As she walked down the hallway, her mother following close behind, she thought she felt everyone's gaze on her.  Yes, I'm a stupid teenage mother.  I had sex and didn't think to use a condom.  That's what they would think of her.  Not that she had been violated, brutally, against her will.  And now she might be carrying the baby of her worst fear.

Ren's mother answered nearly every question that the doctor examining her asked.  The whole appointment was a blur.  As Ren slid off the cold examining table, she heard, "Your results should be in by tomorrow morning."

*

"Ren, are you coming to school today?" Louis asked on his way out the door.  "Or are you still sick?"

"Louis, leave your sister alone," Eileen said gently.

"Goodbye, Lou.  Bye, Ren," Steve called as he came over to Ren and kissed her on the forehead.  "Feel better soon, okay?"

Ren nodded as her father and brother left.  She sat at the kitchen table, slowly sipping a glass of orange juice.  Donnie walked by and grabbed a glass, filled it up, and took a swig.  "The big game's today," he commented.  "You going, Mom?"

"I might come by later," Eileen smiled.

Just as Donnie was leaving the phone rang.  Ren froze.  Eileen picked up the phone cautiously, raising her eyebrows at Ren.  "Hello?  Yes, this is her mother.  All right.  Oh.  Well, thank goodness."

Ren's ears perked up.

"Oh, God.  Really?"  Eileen's arm slumped and she fumbled with the phone.  "Yes, yes, thank you.  All right."  She turned to Ren and said, "I never thought I'd be saying this to my baby so soon."

"Mom, no," said Ren, standing up.  "I can't be..."

Eileen began crying as she wrapped Ren in a hug.  "You're pregnant."

"Oh, my God."  Ren sat down quickly and gripped the kitchen table.  "Mom, what am I going to do?  I can't go to school anymore."

"Shh.  It's okay."  Eileen stroked Ren's hair.  "We'll get this all figured out, all right?  We will."

*

That night at dinner Ren swallowed hard as her family congregated around the table.  The time had come that she had been dreading.

"Um, I have something to say," Ren told her family, looking Louis in the eye.  Eileen rubbed her back.  "I...last month, Bobby Deaver and I...we had sex.  Well, I mean, he did.  I...didn't want to."

"Ren, what are you saying?" said Steve.

"He forced me."  Ren couldn't choke out the word "rape" again.  Her eyes welled up and she swallowed again.  "And I'm pregnant."

Louis stood up from the table and walked into the living room.  Donnie stared at Ren and put his hand to his forehead.  Steve slammed his fork down and stood up.  "What?" he cried.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry-"

"Oh, no, Ren, you don't have to apologize."  Steve rushed to his daughter and patted her back.  "We'll get this all taken care of."

"I've called the police about Bobby already," Eileen informed him.

"What are they going to do?" Ren asked.

Eileen shook her head.  "I don't know.  But you're not going back there until that sick son of a bitch is gone.  For good."

"Ren, I'm really sorry," said Donnie.

Eileen stood up and crossed over to Louis.  "Louis, sweetie, are you okay?"

Louis gripped his chin and turned to his mother, his eyes glistening.  "How could someone do that to her?" he cried, and ran to his room.

*

"Guys, I have something to tell you," Louis said to Tawny and Twitty the next day as the three stood by his locker.

"Okay, what is it, man?" Twitty asked, fiddling with a hand-held video game.

Louis tore the game out of Twitty's hand and said, "Look, it's serious."

"Louis, what is it?" asked Tawny.

Louis sighed and said, "Guys, I mean it.  You cannot tell anyone about this.  Ever.  Nobody.  Okay?"

"Yeah, sure, dude," Twitty agreed.

"Okay," said Tawny.

"No."  Louis gripped Twitty's shoulder.  "No, I mean it.  This is dead serious, all right?  You really have to promise not to tell anyone.  I mean it.  I swear."

Concern flashed on Tawny's brow.  "Louis, what is it?" she asked again, quietly.

"Ren's pregnant," said Louis.

"God, are you serious?" asked Twitty.

"Yes.  Bobby Deaver did it to her.  He raped her, man."  Louis turned toward his locker, looking away from his friends.

"Oh, Louis, I'm so sorry," said Tawny.

"Look, we won't tell anyone," Twitty promised.

"No, no one," Tawny agreed.

Louis turned back toward them.  "Good."  He bit his lip and walked away.

"Oh my God," Tawny said to Twitty.

*

Ren sighed as she shut her locker door and walked down the hall toward her first class.  She knew she had to come back to school some time, and Bobby Deaver wasn't going to be there.  She had called Ruby the night before and briefly spoken to her, but had had to hang up when she began crying, something she had done every day for nearly a month.  She was so emotional.  Maybe because she was pregnant...maybe because she was so hurt.  She didn't want to face her teachers, but they would never know.  For all they knew she had missed two days of school because she was sick, and letting Bobby Deaver make her get behind in schoolwork was below her.  She was determined to finish out the year and then handle the rest of her life from there.  School would be over in two months and everything would be okay then...

"Ren Stevens," Ren's teacher noted as she walked into class, "you're back."

"Hello, Coach Tugnut."  Ren slid into her seat and slumped down, slowly taking her health book out of her backpack.

The bell rang and seats began filling up beside her.  From across the classroom, Ruby shot Ren a sympathetic look.  Ren tried to smile back.

In the middle of the class, Ren's head began spinning.  She tried to focus on the words in her book, but she couldn't.  Impulsively, her hand shot up.  "Coach Tugnut, I need to get out of here."

"Do you need a pass to your locker, Stevens?" Coach Tugnut asked firmly.

Ren sighed.  "I just...I need to leave..."

Some kids behind her started snickering.

"Hey, shut up!" Ruby yelled.

"All right, class, that's enough."  Coach Tugnut rolled his eyes and said, "Are you going to be back before class is over, Stevens?"

Ren stood up and shifted her backpack onto her shoulder.  "I don't know."

She walked down the lonely hallway and into the bathroom.  There, she slumped against the wall and began sobbing.  Her raw face stung as she halfheartedly wiped the tears away with her sleeve.  "Why is this happening to me?" she choked out.

Tawny walked in slowly and approached Ren.  "Ren?  Are you okay?"

Ren stood up, tears still streaming down her face.  "Oh, hi, Tawny.  I just...I've been really stressed lately, I...I'll be okay..."

"Louis told me, Ren," Tawny said softly, tentatively reaching for Ren's arm.

"What?"  Ren sniffed and stared at Tawny.

"He told me about you being pregnant."

"Great."  Ren sighed.  "Who else has he told?"

"Just Twitty and me," Tawny replied.  "Ren, he's really worried about you.  I mean, I am too."  She patted Ren's shirt sleeve, not sure how to approach her best friend's sister.  "God, I just...I just hope you're okay."

Ren nodded.  "I'm fine, Tawny.  Thanks."

"I know we're not...you know, close," Tawny began, smiling awkwardly, her eyes rolled toward the ceiling, "but if you need anything...I mean, you can call me."

Ren nodded.  "Thanks."

"I guess I should leave you alone, huh?"

Ren sighed and tried to smile, her lips wavering.

Tawny nodded and walked out of the bathroom, just as Ruby walked in.

"I ditched Tugnut's class."

Ren grinned at her friend's determination.  "Hey, Ruby."

"Ren, I'm sorry."  Ruby suddenly threw her arms around Ren, catching her in a surprise hug.  Ren hugged her back.

"You don't have to say you're sorry," Ren replied.  "I shouldn't have been alone.  I shouldn't have let him do that to me."

"Ren, no, it's okay.  We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," Ruby told her.

"You know, not much is that different," said Ren, sitting against the wall again.  Ruby joined her on the floor.  "I'm still me."

"What are you going to do?" Ruby inquired.

Ren shrugged.  "I don't know, I'm...I'm going to have a baby."

"Really?"

"I guess.  I don't...I just never thought this could happen to me," said Ren.

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you," Ruby told her.

Ren smiled.  "I know."

"How are you going to go to college, Ren?" Ruby asked.  Then she quickly stopped herself.  "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I don't want to make you answer that."

"No, it's okay," said Ren.  "I don't know.  I guess my parents will take care of the baby for me.  I mean, that's a few years away, you know?  Maybe it'll be like another brother or sister to Louis."  Tears started streaming from her eyes again.

"What about Bobby?"

"I don't know.  My dad's a lawyer," said Ren.  "They're going to make sure he never gets near me again.  I don't know.  I just don't want any of this to be happening, I can't face this."

"Ren, you don't have to face it alone," said Ruby.  "I know you're strong, but you're fifteen, you know?  You can let other people help you sometimes."

"Yeah, well what the hell will the whole school think of me once they find out about this in a few months?"  Ren stood up, suddenly infuriated.  "They'll think I'm a whore.  I don't even know if I'll be allowed to graduate!"

"Ren, calm down," said Ruby.  She stroked Ren's arm.  "Please.  You don't need this right now."

Ren erupted into a volcano of tears once again.  She was surprised she had any tears left, she had cried so much by now, soaking her pillow and Mr. Pookie and her mom's shoulder.

"Come on, you need to go home," said Ruby.  

Ruby led Ren to the principal's office, where Mr. Wexler was sitting at his desk.

"Stevens."  He looked surprised.  "Is there something the matter with Ren, Ruby?"

"She's emotionally drained," Ruby explained.  "I think she needs to go home."

"I need...to get...myself together," Ren gasped.

Mr. Wexler tentatively patted Ren's shoulder.  "I'll call your mother, Ren."

Ruby snatched a box of tissues off of Principal Wexler's desk and handed it to Ren.  "Would you mind if maybe I went with her?" she asked Mr. Wexler.  "She needs a friend right now."

"Look, I don't know what's going on here, but it sounds pretty serious," said Mr. Wexler.

"You mean my mother didn't tell you?" Ren asked him.

"Tell me what?"  Mr. Wexler was holding the phone in his hand.

"Didn't she tell you why Bobby Deaver needed to be expelled?"

Principal Wexler narrowed his eyes.  "That incident had nothing to do with you, Stevens."

Ruby and Ren glanced at each other.

"Bobby Deaver was found with alcohol and drugs at a school football party three days ago," Principal Wexler explained.  "He's been expelled for a week."

*

"I can't believe you did this to me!" Ren screamed at her mother in the car on their way home.

"Ren, I took off work for you.  Please don't yell at me," Eileen pleaded, her voice weak.  "I don't know what to do.  I'm just as confused as you are."

"You didn't even call the school and tell them what he did to me!  He could have been there today!  Do you know what that would have done to me?" Ren pounded her fist against the window, unable to contain her anger.

"No, Ren, your father called the school last night.  He was informed that Bobby had already been expelled," Eileen explained.

"For a week!" Ren shouted.  "A week!  That means that he's going to be back next Monday.  What am I going to do then?"

"Shh.  I don't know, Ren," said Eileen.  "You should have told us right away.  Now there's no way to prove anything, all right?  Ren!"

"What about...what about genetic testing?  I'm carrying his _baby!" Ren sobbed.  "After all he's done to me and you couldn't care less about what happens to _him_!"_

"Ren, you're going to make yourself sick."  Eileen stopped the car on the side of the road and looked at her daughter.  "We're not going home until you settle down."

"Why are you doing this to me?  I thought you would be there for me, Mom!"  Ren unbuckled her seatbelt, threw it to the side, and climbed out of the car, stumbling onto the curb.  She kicked at the sidewalk and folded her arms in front of her.

Eileen got out of the car and approached Ren.  "I didn't mean to yell at you, sweetheart."

Ren tried to take a deep breath and nearly choked.  She coughed and wiped the tears from her face.  "So are you going to help me?"

"Of course!  Your father and I are there for you always, Ren.  So are Donnie and Louis," Eileen assured her.

"What am I going to do?" asked Ren.  "Don't tell me we'll figure it out.  Tell me what we're going to do."

"What do you want to do?" Eileen asked her.

"I don't want to go to school anymore," Ren cried.  "I can't.  I don't even care anymore."

"All right," said Eileen.

Ren whirled around to face her. 

"You can take correspondence courses at home for the rest of the year," said Eileen.  "I'll arrange it.  All right?"

"What about the baby?" asked Ren.  "Have you ever actually thought about that?"

"If you want to raise the baby, you can," Eileen told her.  "Or you could put it up for adoption.  Or, if you want, I could even take care of it myself and lift the burden from you.  It's only been fourteen years since I had a baby.  I think I can handle it."

"Oh, Mom."  Ren threw her arms around her mother's neck.  "I guess I'll never go to Harvard now."

"Don't say that.  You can do anything you want," said Eileen.

"Forget it.  Let's just go home," said Ren.  "I need to sleep."

*Two Months Later*

Ren had gone back to school at Lawrence.  She only had three months left in the school year, and she figured she could handle it.  Maybe she wouldn't even be showing by the end of the year, and no one would have to know.  Every time she looked at Bobby Deaver she felt sick to her stomach, but there was nothing she could do about him, and she knew it.  Of course it wasn't fair that no punishment had to come to him and she had to endure constant emotional stress, morning sickness, and her clothes fitting awkwardly, not to mention that every time she thought of the future she grew dizzy.  She felt like one of those people in the videos they'd had to watch in health class, the girls who got date-raped and said something along the lines of, "It could happen to you."  She knew she had made a mistake by not telling her parents right away, right after it had happened.  She was a strong person.  She always thought that she would be able to handle situations like this, if they had ever risen.  But she couldn't handle it, and every day she grew weaker and weaker.  Her teachers could see it.  Her friends could see it.  Ruby constantly had a look of pity in her eyes, and Ren knew that sometimes she annoyed Ruby with her constant complaining, but Ruby was too true to her to tell her to stop.  She would endure the entire lunch hour of Ren sobbing about her future or, on a good day, talking about the headaches she was suffering through.  Ren wanted to have a positive outlook, but she just couldn't anymore.  She felt as if her whole life were lost.

As Ren sat in biology, her thoughts drifted back to that day, the one that had changed her life forever.  She was in the newspaper office, frantically typing on the computer.  School had ended nearly two hours before.  She looked up, and there was Bobby.

"Hi, Ren," Bobby said shyly, with a crooked smile.

Ren glanced up briefly and nodded at Bobby, then continued typing.

Suddenly his hands were in her hair.  Annoyed, Ren tried to swat them away.  "Cut it out.  I'm trying to work on the newspaper."

"Someone has PMS."

Ren rolled her eyes at his "joke," now growing extremely annoyed.  He rested his chin on the top of her head and read the computer screen over her shoulder.

"So the team scored big," said Bobby.

"You should know."  Ren was growing uncomfortable, with his weight on her head like that.  "Don't you play football?"

"I'd like to score again right now."

Ren spun around, knocking Bobby away from her.  He stumbled a few feet backwards as she stood up.  "That has got to be the lamest line ever.  We're over, Bobby."

Bobby tackled her to the floor and clasped his hand over her mouth.  Then he pulled down her shirt and began kissing her bra.

Ren struggled underneath Bobby's weight, but she could barely breathe.  She tried to slap his face but he grabbed both of her hands with his other hand and clasped them together in front of him as he kissed her.

The whole thing was over in less than five minutes.  Bobby dressed her halfway and tossed her shirt onto her chest as he wiped his mouth and forehead with his own.  "See you later," he said nonchalantly as he walked out of the room.

Ren was in shock as she lay on the floor.  No one else was in the school.  She draped her shirt over her shoulders as she ran to the bathroom, staring at her tousseled hair in the mirror.  She leaned against the sink and splashed water on her face.  She couldn't believe what Bobby had just done to her.  She could barely even feel her own body.  It was like she was in a dream.  Panting heavily, she turned around and put her hand over her eyes, trying to get some sense of where she was or what had just happened.  She couldn't; she was completely disoriented.  As her stomach churned, she spun around and clutched the sink to steady herself.  She felt like throwing up, and then she did.  Again she threw up into the sink, then ran the water and washed her face again, drinking some of the water out of her hands.  She shut off the faucet and stumbled to the door of the bathroom.  She flicked off the lights.

On her way home she grew dizzy and sat down in the grass.  Her house was only a block away.  She slowly got up and walked the rest of the way home.  Her family had left a note for her – they were at a movie.  She swallowed aspirin and went upstairs, zombie-like, and took a shower, acting purely on routine.  She felt sick as she brushed her teeth, looking at her face in the mirror.  She threw her clothes onto the floor of her bedroom, slipped on her pajamas, and climbed into bed, shivering.

When she woke up again she thought she felt his breath on her in the darkness.  She bolted upright and turned on the light.  No one was in her room.  She went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and there was her mother, calmly reading a magazine.

"Oh, hi, sweetie."

Ren filled her glass with water from the sink and drank it.  Eileen hardly paid any attention to her.

Ren stared at the back of her mother's head longingly.  She just wanted to crawl into those warm arms, into the kind of hug only her mother could get.  Her throat was dry.  She croaked, "'Night, Mom," and stumbled back upstairs and into bed.

"I have your tests from last week," her biology teacher announced.

Ren hardly paid any attention as the test was slipped onto her desk, upside-down.  The teacher seemed to frown at her as she passed.

Ren turned the paper over.  A C-minus. Seventy-nine percent.  She had studied, but it had only been looking at the words in her textbook.  Sighing, Ren shot a glance across the room to Ruby, who was squealing silently over her own test, a huge grin on her face.

"I know I've been a...a bitch lately."  Ren cringed as she said the word at lunch that day, staring at her limp peanut butter sandwich.

"Oh, Ren.  You're not a bitch."  Ruby laughed.

"Look, let's just talk about you today, okay?" Ren suggested.  "I mean, I've been so self-absorbed lately.  What's happening with you?"

"Well," Ruby began.  Once she started talking she couldn't be stopped.  "My mom was at the mall, right, and she ran into the guy who she thought looked familiar, so she went up to the guy and-"

Ren cringed as she suddenly felt a dull twinge in her side.  "Ah," she said uncomfortably.

Ruby stopped talking and said, "Ren, what is it?"

Suddenly Ren stood up as she felt the blood between her legs.  "Oh my God."  Her hand flew to her stomach instinctively.

"Ren?  Ren!" said Ruby.  "Are you okay?"

"No," Ren told her, taking a few steps backwards.  She sank into the grass and lay on her back, her stomach beginning to cramp.

Ten minutes later, Ren was in an ambulance, her mother standing by her side, holding her hand as she lay on the white sheets stained with red.

At the hospital, she was taken to a room and laid in a hospital bed.

"You're miscarrying, sweetie," a female nurse with a soothing voice told her.  "Just get some rest."

Ren stared at her white gloves, her eyes darting from her mother to the face of the nurse.  She couldn't comprehend what was happening.  Not yet.

When Ren awoke later that night her mother's head was on her shoulder, and her father was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.  Louis and Donnie were sitting on the floor, watching the TV that was in the room.

"I guess it's over," Ren whispered.

Her mother brought her head up, and Ren could see that she had been crying.  "Oh, Ren, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay.  I'm not ready to be a mother yet."  And finally, there were no more tears to be cried.  Ren looked at her own mother and felt an overwhelming sense of love.  She sighed and stroked her mom's hair.  "I can go to Harvard, Mom," she said.

Eileen put her hand over her daughter's.  "Ren, don't talk."  Ren knew that her mother was more hurt about the whole thing than she was.  She knew her own body was fine and she could talk as much as she wanted.  But her mother didn't want to hear it right now.

The next morning, Ren was still a little sore, and still bleeding.   She was examined by a nurse, who told her that they couldn't find anything that had gone wrong.  "It was just one of those things that happens sometimes," Ren was told.

She went home and didn't return to school or talk to anyone for a week.  Her report card arrived, bearing her grades – two A's, four B's, and one C.  She had never gotten such terrible grades before, but her parents didn't even mind.  And Louis didn't even brag that, for once, he had better grades than his sister.

The school had found out about everything, probably from Principal Wexler.  Tawny, Twitty, and Ruby wouldn't dare spread the news about Ren.  They had promised to keep everything a secret.  

As Ren walked down the halls on her first day back, she saw Bobby Deaver out of the corner of her eye and froze.

"Ren."  Bobby approached Ren, and she backed away from him.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't know."

"Just shut up and leave me alone."  Ren walked past him and past Ruby, who joined her in their brisk walk to class.

"Ren, we haven't talked in so long.  Are you okay, sweetie?" Ruby asked her.

"You know what, I'm fine," said Ren.  She sighed and turned toward her friend.  "Let's just not talk about it anymore, okay?"

"Ren."  It was Tawny this time, walking toward Ren and Ruby.  "Look, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am."

"It's okay," Ren assured her.  "I don't want to talk about it right now."

The whole day Ren faced condolences from people she didn't even know that she didn't want to hear.  Finally, the last bell rang and she was out of school.

"You want to come over to my house tonight?" Ruby asked her.

"Thank God.  I need a distraction," said Ren.  "What's for dinner?"

"My mom's making her Spaghetti a la Zest," Ruby told her.  "Lots of jalapeno peppers.  I hope you can handle it."

Ren laughed for the first time in months.  "I'll do the best I can."

*

School was out for the summer, and Ren walked down the halls of Lawrence Junior High for the last time.  Her grades had improved dramatically over the past few weeks, and now she only had two B's and the rest A's.  She was still being treated differently by most of her peers and teachers, and was thankful to get out of there.

"Hey, sis."  Louis walked up to Ren as she was clearing out her locker.  He had been nicer to her lately.  "Mom and Dad are taking us out for ice cream tonight, so goes the rumor in the old Stevens household."

"Great," said Ren.  "The perfect way to end my day."

At home, Ren was sitting in her room, surfing the Internet.  Just as her mother called for her to come downstairs so that they could leave for ice cream, she spotted an envelope out of the corner of her eye.

Her fingers shook as she reached for the white paper.  She hadn't looked at it for awhile.  She had almost forgotten it was there, she had grown so accustomed to it being under her mouse pad, occasionally one of its corners sticking out from underneath.  She opened it and pulled out the little flimsy picture, the one picture she had of her baby from her first ultrasound.  A tear fell silently down her face and onto the picture, and then she tucked it away, switched off her computer, and descended the stairs to join her parents and brothers for one of the most liberating nights of her life.


End file.
